Follow your heart?

She want to follow my heart…

She really do…

But her heart is leading her back to a guy who might not be her forever…

He lied…

He fooled her…

He chooses everyone but her…

He made her feel that she’s unworthy…

She’s his last priority…

Sad but true. 

Dear heart, please let it go. 

Duh!

Ugh I can’t believe it…

Is he even interested in her? I mean, okay, duh! I get it, but really?!?

I’m insanely jealous. And it’s completely absurd, like I don’t exactly have a right to feel this way…

But it’s the thing about feelings—illogical.

Pathetic me

My life shouldn’t suck more than it does right now.

Not gonna cry…

I just need to breathe…

I don’t want to be sad and depressed…

But the worst part is, I still love him no matter what he said to me. 

I hate being like this. 

Pain, please go away.

Reminiscing…

The whole things was strange. The entire time we’ve been together, that I thought we had the amazing connection, right from the start. Well, I knew we really did.”

“I, um…just don’t feel it anymore,” he said. 

“What? Why not?” Gosh, he couldn’t be serious. 

“I don’t know.” He said. 
He said time, situation, is just overwhelming that it won’t really work. That he doesn’t think it was a good idea…Blah blah blah…

I was shocked and devastated…

How was that possible? The love of my life, the guy who said he loved me. Who said I’m his world, I’m his everything…

And then suddenly it was over…

Wow! Ugh! It was the worst horrible feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire existence.

I cried rivers of tears. 

“I still love you. But I just have to do this, is all.” He said. 

“We could maybe…be friends?” He said. 

Was he serious? Like really?!? In what crazy universe would a girl who’s been hurt and dumped still wanna be friends with a guy who freaking dumped her?!?

I was like, “I’m sorry I can’t.”

To make the story short…

We said our goodbyes…

In my mind, I wanna beg him…”Please don’t go.” I wanted him to be with me forever. I wanted him to say that he was still mine. That I’m the only girl he wanted, the girl who could make him happy and make his life complete. I wanted him to say that we belong together, forever. But…

He left me…

I was completely alone. 

Tap, tap, tap…

The sky is spectacular…

I wish it’s your face I’m gazing up at…

But no matter where I look,

I always come across more love of you,

For every single thing about you,

Your tenderness,

Even your anger—you’re so alive…

You make me feel like I could take a bite out of the whole universe…

I wanna yell back at you: 

“Shut up! You have to know that as long as you live, no one will ever love you as much as I do—I love you that f&@#*¥# much!”

Traipses 

A conversation that made me rapturous…

That suddenly made me felt so pathetic…

He raised his voice like I’ve said something wrong,

Maybe intentional,

Maybe he’s expecting her call…

Waiting for it even. 

I wish that girl would go to sleep and woke up with a full beard and mustache—yes, I wish that fate on her.

Ugh, I should calm down,

Shouldn’t think about him flirting with that girl, and making her feel like she’s part of his life,

I suck…

Yes, there’s no other way to put it.  

Romantic nap

I dreamt of him…

He came up behind me,

He wrapped his arms around my waist,

I closed my eyes,

Thought about his body,

Naked under his clothes pressing into me,

Naked under mine,

Then I turned my head to look up at him,

He kissed me,

I twisted around in his arms,

We were facing each other,

Then I threw my arms around his neck…

Wow! That was beautiful,

I’m still floating now,

Gosh, how do I function when I feel like this?

How do I comb my hair?

Or drive my car?

I’m too delirious to work. Lol!😂

Reckless Twirl 

That feeling…

Like every organ in my body switched places…

I didn’t want to…

But I found it arresting…

I felt a current coursing…

And it was ripping out of control inside of me…

What was it?!?

I don’t know🙈

But it was like my heart landed on Jupiter. 

Whoah!

Man, that was the dorkiest yet sexiest moment of my life😁❤️

Whoa!

What if he’ll ask her to marry him? (I’m asking this with hopelessness)

What if she’ll say yes…

Then he’ll ring me and say, “We are getting married”

Ugh! That “we” will definitely jar me—that big freaking “we” has always been me and him. 

…I feel chill run through me now, squeezing my knee—if that’ll happen, I’ll be the saddest person in the world. 

Dear mind, please behave. 

Whoosh

Sometimes, I still wonder quietly…

“What will I do now that he’s not my boyfriend anymore?”

Do what I did before he was my boyfriend? ….ugh, they said it’s normal for me to miss him, that all I need is time, but until when?

They don’t understand that every minute without him feels endlessly long…

I don’t even know if I’m still waiting or what…

That girl, she laid claim to him a long time ago…truth hurts but I think there’s no room for me in his heart.

No, I wont cry…but it’s hurting me too much. 

Ugh! My heart doesn’t seem to understand it’s over 😦