Uh-oh

He asked, “Still thinking about him?”

I answered, “mhmm”

“Look, I think his charms had worn off cos I’m sure I’m more charming than him” then he chuckled. 

Blood rushes to my cheeks. He was staring at me…I can feel it. 

“I wanna sing with you tomorrow night, please.” He said. 

“Why?” My voice kinda showed a subtle panic is taking over my body. 

“Cos I want to sing this particular song for you, and I want you to feel the lyrics of it…cos it’s for you.” He said. 

“I can’t help it.” He whispered.

Ugh, I can’t help it either. 

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Whoa!

What if he’ll ask her to marry him? (I’m asking this with hopelessness)

What if she’ll say yes…

Then he’ll ring me and say, “We are getting married”

Ugh! That “we” will definitely jar me—that big freaking “we” has always been me and him. 

…I feel chill run through me now, squeezing my knee—if that’ll happen, I’ll be the saddest person in the world. 

Dear mind, please behave. 

Whoosh

Sometimes, I still wonder quietly…

“What will I do now that he’s not my boyfriend anymore?”

Do what I did before he was my boyfriend? ….ugh, they said it’s normal for me to miss him, that all I need is time, but until when?

They don’t understand that every minute without him feels endlessly long…

I don’t even know if I’m still waiting or what…

That girl, she laid claim to him a long time ago…truth hurts but I think there’s no room for me in his heart.

No, I wont cry…but it’s hurting me too much. 

Ugh! My heart doesn’t seem to understand it’s over 😦 

Bedazzled

Listening to our duet…

I feel like the roof of my car flies off, the entire walls of this car park collapse, imagining that a group of robotic men clapping together, and a heavy rain overflows the car park that it sweeps me away—ugh! Yeah! He’s that freaking good😂😂🙌

Really?!?

Happy Sunday!!! (With an inappropriate morning thoughts😂)

Thinking of him…

With his smile the size of the continental United States…

Does he really smile to everyone like that? Uhmm, I don’t think so (and nah, he’s not a wingnut lol!😂)

His moves are really catching.

Ugh! And now I’m thinking what it might be like to properly (yes properly🙊😂)kiss him…I mean the real kiss, ugh! Can’t explain further. 

Haaaa! I’m drowning in this new un-L.A.-like problem at (Sheesh! Wth, really?!?) this early?!?

Crazy 

Today is one of those ordinary days till someone made it a rare day…

Having him next to me at lunch was kinda awkward, 

But the way he took care of me made me realized how much I used to take the simple things for granted.

After the main course, he offered me a chocolate cake…I took a huge bite 😂😂, and he was like, “wow!” Haaaa!

One of our friends said, “you guys look so cute!”

Then he whispered in my ear…

“You look so beautiful, just like yesterday and every other day I’ve known you”

I’ve melted…

I can feel the longing…

I can feel that he’s wishing he can do more for/to me…

It’s kinda overwhelming…

But I’m happy that he’s giving me this attention…

I’m happy that he’s here for me. 

Desire

The fact that he want me that much is really surprising🙈

And what’s even more surprising is how blatant he is about it…

He said…

“You still love him…I understand, 

But things will eventually change over time.

And I can’t wait for that one day you’ll be mine. “

He told me that he’s being patient. That he can’t let the fear of not having me throw him into a panic mode, cos desperation will only make him less attractive lol!😂 

Well, he’s doing it right…

He’s calm and confident. 

He said that I should remember how much he loves me. Yes, he said he loves me so much. 🙈❤️

Take it easy

“Hey, don’t worry about tomorrow,

We have today to enjoy with.

Right now is all that matters for now,

Right now, we’re both here to stay.”

I will continue to admire you, 

I will continue loving you…

I will continue appreciating the moment I’m with you. 

I’m quieting the noisiest part of my brain…the part where I’m anxious about our future…

I just wanna continue finding happiness in whatever I’m doing right now…

You make me happier than I’ve ever been. 

Ugh, can’t find a word that would capture how happy I felt with you…

But yes, my life is pretty good.

And that’s because of you. 

Desperately happy

I have my own insecurities…

About fear of losing him for good when he achieves his goal in life. 

I love that I’m part of all the process…

I’m actually beyond happy for him.

Gosh! I should just focus on the amazing parts of this journey instead of worrying about what I can’t control…

About what I fear…

About our fading love?!?

Sparkles

Remember that night when me and him started talking intensely,

It’s so magical,

Listening to music together, 

Uhmmm Spotify…

We have this immediate connection. 

I realized

That no matter what happens, we will always have this one beautiful night to remember forever…

The fire of our passion will never die.